A new year, a time of reflection.
As we enter into 2023, I wanted to offer some thoughts around compassion, and some practices that have helped support me over the years.
Self-compassion seems to have become a bit of a “buzz” word in the last couple of years, and by writing this, that is the opposite of what my intent is. Self-compassion, or being kind to self, is one of the hardest skills to cultivate, based on many factors, including an automatic reaction within our nervous system (Neff, 2021, p.25).
I really believe the basis of compassion, is we’re all in this together, and it really doesn’t matter what religion, spiritual practice or not, that you have in your life- the Dalai Lama said it best- “my religion is kindness.” Being human and taking time to remember that we are all suffering, connected and also, whole and complete beings. Thich Nhat Hanh says, ‘interconnected’ and more recently, Dr. Dan Siegel uses the term ‘intraconnected.’ (There are differences to the words, but we're not going into those details today, however I encourage you to keep those names handy and do your own further readings of those wise thought leaders).
This is really what we consistently need more of in a world where there is more separation, loneliness and isolation than ever before. The more plugged in we become, the more tuned out we become from ourselves and therefore- each other. As we enter 2023, my hope is for more face-to-face human connection, space for solitude, and space to cultivate awareness and appreciation for the world we live in, including all plants, animals, and Mother Earth around us.
In my early twenties, as a young and keen classroom teacher and dedicated yoga student, I took my first mindfulness course and was nurturing my yoga practice. I wanted to share a reflection I recently found from this transformative time: It has been very useful tuning in internally which has created greater empathy and patience to those I interact with on a daily basis. Each week I was reminded how to create space in choosing to respond versus react, and my sense of gratitude and appreciation was heightened. I have found during the work with my students, my level of patience has increased. Also I have noticed in the past year, that I have been able to let things unfold really according to the energy and dynamics of the room or student, even if it deviates from the lesson plan.’
Two of the most popular Western researchers on self-compassion are Kristin Neff and Chris Germer. They explain that self-compassion consists of three ingredients: mindfulness, kindness and common humanity. The research in Western psychology in recent years has sky rocketed with the evidence-based findings. It is now 2023, and there has been thousands of studies out there that shows how self-compassion leads to greater compassion for others- it all goes hand in hand.
As Kristin Neff says, “the three components of self-compassion- kindness, common humanity and mindfulness- directly counter the self-judgement, isolation and rumination that occur as part of the threat-defence reaction.” (Neff, 2021, p.26)
Neff also shares that, “people who are more self-compassionate tend to be happier, more hopeful, and optimistic. They’re more satisfied with their lives and grateful for what they have, They’re less anxious, depressed, stressed and fearful…more resilient, more functional relationships, more forgiving, empathetic, and able to take other’s perspectives.” (Neff, 2021, p.24)
Do you want to try a practice? You can access many readily available resources from Kristin Neff’s website: https://self-compassion.org
Quotes above are from Neff's most recent book release: Fierce Self Compassion

We’re often taught that Yoga is just a physical practice (called Asana in the sacred ancient language Yoga texts are written in, Sanskrit), however, asana is only a part of the path of yoga, which has eight limbs (called Ashtanga), and which starts with the Yamas and Niyamas.
In Yoga philosophy, there is the theoretical foundation of Samkhya philosophy, which is the most ancient of philosophical schools, and is one of the six schools of thought that are interpreted from the very ancient texts, called the Vedas. It views two realities that create the world: Purusha and Prakriti. Dharma is our path- this can be thought of as the right way of living. The Yamas (how we come into ourselves) and Niyamas (how we approach the world) and the rest of the eight limbs are a guide for us to move towards Samadhi (union with the Divine) or liberation.
The ancient scriptures of the Yoga Sutras, where the Yamas and Niyamas are introduced, and where we learn about the eight limbed path, are compiled by the sage Sri Patanjali, who was thought to have lived at least 2500 years ago (Devi), in the Yoga Sutras. As Nischala Joy Devi says, "The yoga sutras is a great spiritual text and guide, embodies the purity of this dharma (righteous path). It weaves together a beautiful tapestry of essential wisdom and insights that allow us to know our Divine nature. Much of this wisdom is distilled and simplified from earlier sacred texts: the Vedas, Upanishads, the Bhagavad-Gita and perhaps some Buddhist texts. The yoga sutras uses the insights of these scriptures to depict the nature of consciousness and the path to liberation.”
The first Yama- the ethical rule or learning tool to guide and inspire a more meaningful life- is called Ahimsa. As veteran yoga teacher Sean Corne says, “Do no harm. Always be kind. Although ahimsa is often translated as non-harming- it really means more that that. Love. There’s a reason that ahimsa is the 'first commandment' of yoga. If we don’t practice lovingkindness, how can we expect to live in peace with others? In truth you can’t successfully practice the rest of the yamas and niyamas without anchoring to the principle of ahimsa."
According to Buddhist philosophy, there is also a path towards liberation through the four brahma-viharas. (In the language spoken by the Buddha, Pali, Brahma means ‘heavenly’, and vihara means ‘home’).
As Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg says, “the Buddha described the spiritual path that leads to this freedom as the 'liberation of the heart which is love,' and he taught a systematic, integrated path that moves the heart out of isolating contraction into true connection. The path is still with us as living tradition of meditation practices that cultivate love, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity.
One of my favourite books, is Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness. You can explore meditation techniques Sharon Salzberg learned about when she first went to India in 1971. (Salzberg, 1995, p.5).

“To reteach a thing its loveliness” is the nature of metta (meaning ‘love’ in Pali). Through lovingkindness, everyone and everything can flower again from within. When we recover knowledge of our own loveliness, and that of others, self-blessing happens naturally and beautifully.” (Salzberg, 1995 p.17).
Want to try a metta practice? You can follow along with one of my favourite spiritual teachers, Tara Brach sharing a metta or lovingkindness practice below:
Meditation with Tara Brach: Developing Self-Compassion
I use a lot of quotes to help along the way, and this is one of the quotes I found about a decade ago, and have used as a continuous reminder in life. These are the words of Daphne Rose Kingma:
“Ultimately, self-compassion is a series of choices, a moment by moment conscious turning away from that which will harm your spirit toward that which will nourish and sustain you. It is choosing, in any particular situation, and over and over again, whether you’ll treat yourself well, or beat yourself up, whether you’ll deny yourself, or treat yourself as lovingly as you’d treat your child or your most precious friend. Self-compassion means looking at yourself with kindness, with a conscious awareness of your sufferings, and in time, with a deep appreciation for the way you have transformed them.”

Please note: I would like to acknowledge that yoga and mindfulness are ancient practices dating back even before Hinduism. and Buddhism. The science of how modern mindfulness is shared in healthcare is based on the work by Jon Kabat-Zinn dating back to 1979, with the development of mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. It was at this time in Western healthcare, that the use of mindfulness, (although a practice used for many centuries) started to be recognized as a tool for healing.
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